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IS DAT SUM HAMBOIGAHZ?!?!?!?1

But I felt like immortalizing this work of art forever.

At 3/10/10 12:32 AM, Piss wrote:

My Could Have Died
By Piss

It happened this morning at approximately. My was driving his minivan, and as he was turning into a transport was moving at an already considerable speed. He thought he could make the, but didn't, and the transport slammed into the passenger's side, causing the van to and crash into a stop sign.

"LOL, that's. I hope he died or was injured", I thought to myself. To my dismay, he miraculously. Furthermore, if it were not for the stop sign, he could have, which would have caused the roof to cave in, surely.
Lame. Pisses me off.

And to think he almost accidentally his whole.

Anything like this ever? Please

And THIS....is my weapon. She weighs 1000 posts and fires 1000$ custom posts at 1 post per minute. It costs about 12 seconds of my time to post with this weapon....for 12 seconds.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL,HOHO.

OMG, who touched my keyboard? WHO TOUCHED MY KEYBOARD?

Some think they can outsmart me. Mabye. I have yet to see one outsmart stupid 4chan meme.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, FLAME SOME MORE,LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!

Lol. Flame some more.

Here is the story. I was just sitting down, playing some TF2. My mom asked me to help her get some groceries, no biggy. Just let me turn off my game, I told her. I pressed the power button, that was it. I walked out, and she says" GET STARTED!" I thought"what the hell is your problem?" She hadn't even made the slightest motion to take 1 bag herself.

Okay, mabye she is just in a bad mood, yeah that's it, I thought to myself. After carrying about ten bags in at once, she yelled" You aren't DONE YET? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" I was suprised. I've NEVER seen my mom like this. Most people would go ballistic and start swearing her out, but, no, I respect my elders, i'm not going to yell at my mom.

I made sure not to make the mistake of leaving more bags this time. I put as many bags as I could on my body, but one more remained. Fuck, I knew what was going to happen. "YOU LEFT ONE! AND I'M NOT WAITING ALL DAY!!!!" Still, I kept my cool.

After getting the bags put in, and we were in the house, her voice lowered but she still was talking shit to me. "Put the grocieries away! And don't be as slow as you were before!". I was getting a little angry. "Um, Mom, could you help alittle?" "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?(back to yelling it seems)"I BROUGHT IN ALMOST ALL OF THEM! YOU ONLY TOOK 4!" I was angry now." What do you mean? I took all of them in while you stood there and bossed me around!"

Oh lord, she exploded." YOU LITTLE BASTARD! YOU NEVER BACK TALK TO ME! I FUCKING PROVIDE YOU WITH A HOUSE AND FOOD UNTIL YOU GET YOUR ASS OUT(I haven't even graduated high school yet, how can I live on my own?) BUT YOU JUST INSIST WITH STAYING HERE EATING ALL OF MY FOOD! WHO GAVE YOU EVERTHING YOU EVER HAD? ME! NOW, SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!"

I was bursting with rage. She went too far. I punched her in the face, and I think it broke her nose. I was now horrified of what I had done. When my dad walked through the door and saw what I did, he got scared and said "You're moving with your bisexual cousin in Belair."

I waited for a bus and when it came near it wasn't too fresh and had dirt in the mirror. If anything I could say it was expensive, but I thought nah, forget it, fuck paying a fare!

I pulled up to the condo about seven or eight and said "why did I come so early I should have come late" I looked at his condo, I was finally there, while I sat on his lap as he fucked my butt.

I think the locked post is still on the front pag of the bbs, if you want to see the reviews and Sardonic Samurais oh so witty lock message check it out. http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/95 5856

Yeah, thought I could manuever around the whole" belair ban/lock thread thing" by editing it, but nope didn't work.

Also, SS gave me my first lock ever. Normally the mods just delete em and I have to rewrite the whole story in my userpage, but Nice SS locked it AND didn't ban me. <3 u Sardony

Well, it was quite fun, and a long story, so i'll take awhile to explain.

First was the horribly long plane trip. The longest plane ride i've ever been on was 1 hour, and coupled with my horrible impatience, caused me to go insane. This was 15 hours I think, and when we arrived in Poland, I got to meet my polish grandparents. I've met my Polish grandma before(she came to the states for 2 months I think) but not my grandpa.

I was horribly worried. All my family said he was super strict and mean..and quite frankly he was one of the nicest guys i've ever met. We bonded a lot, and he was very nice.

We basically saw the sights, visited relatives, and rode bikes most of the time. We visited the beach( bras not required FTW) went to stores and took plenty of pictures of the place. The city is Swiniusjcie btw(I almost spelled that right)

Now, I love riding bikes, so I thought in Europe bike riding would be super awesome. Wrong. The bikes trails are nice, big and smooth(insert cock joke) but it has the same problems as the road.....too many old people. I can't begin to tell you how many times a blind old person almost ran over me(my grandpa doesn't count because he is actualy relatively young, like 60-65, and I mean 75-80) and retards stand right on the bike lane, even if you use your bell to get them out of the way.)

Retards on the bike lane gave me a nice shiny cast on my right arm. Wonderful. Luckily, this happened towards the end of the trip, and I got to visit my Uncle and Great Grandma on excruciatingly long train rides.

Btw add me on aim, my screenname is tehevilfluff no caps

Okay, so, one night, I was relaxing, playing some Battlefield:Bad Company, considering I just got it. So, unfourtunatly, in the middle of the game, I had to scratch my ass. Fuck, I thought, right in the middle of a game. I let some guy kill me so it would go to the class select screen. I stood up and tried scratching my ass, but it still itched.... So, I took of my pants and stuck my hand in my ass crack, scratched, and finally I was relieved of my itch.

I felt something on my hands. To my horror, my hand was covered in shit. It was alright though, because I could just go the the bathroom right next to my room and wash off the crap. But, just as I was about to open my door, my grandma tried to open the door, but couldn't because it was locked(I always keep it locked for when my brother tries to barge on in without knocking.) and she said"Dustin, open the door, I need to get my other earrings, I can't find my usual ones"(her jewelry box is in my room)

Quickly, I scrambled around trying to find something to wipe the shit off with."One moment, i'm doing something." I found some printer paper I could use, and rubbed it all over my hand. It didn't get all of the shit off; there was still some on my hand and in the crevases of my finger nails, plus the smell still remained. "Dustin, open up, I want my earrings." I had to think up of an excuse, so I said " Um, my friend lent me a game and its kinda broken, so it can't pause. Just let me get to a save point." It worked, and bought me a little more time.

I looked around a bit more, and thank god, I found an old glass of water sitting on a shelf. Using that water I managed to scrub the shit off. One problem: now the water was all brown. My grandma was getting very suspicious, and said to me"open up this door right now!" Quickly, I took some of my pepsi and poured it into the water until the water looked like a normal glass of pepsi. I opened the door, and she said"Where you doing something you weren't supposed to in there"(of course, she meant masturbating)

Sticking to the earlier excuse, I said"No, I wasn't masturbating!"she was taken aback alittle when I said this. "Thanks for being so impatient, I lost my game and have to start over." I went over to her jewelry box, got her earrings, and said "here, take em." After realizing her accusations were wrong, especially about such a touchy subject, she starting walking out the door. Yes! I'm in the clear!I thought.

Just as she was about to leave my room, she said "Oh, by the way, mind if I have a sip of your pepsi All of our pepsi is gone, you must have drank the last one in the fridge.?" I said "Uhhhhh, what pepsi?" She said "in the glass, behind you!". I said "I don't want your old lady germs!" and she said"but Dustin, we share drinks all the time.."(which is true, we normally have a pepsi in the fridge, and we both drink it.) Now, you gotta understand, my grandma is a serious pepsi addict. I mean, like six pack of pepsi a day addict.

She used to be a pretty heavy smoker, and tried to get off of smoking by doing something else instead of smoking. Her answer was pepsi, but even though she dosen't smoke, she is heavily addicted to pepsi and drinks it like crazy. "Well, i'll drive over to 7-11 and pick ya up a six pack, alright?" she said"Oh, i'd be very grateful if you did that, but do you mind if I just have a little bit of your pepsi?Please?"

It's like god was against me, or something. She said "Come on!Is it really a big deal for me to have just a sip?" I had nothing else to turn to, so I used my last resort: I took the glass of poo/pepsi/water, and chugged it down. God, it was nasty! I mean, the pepsi masked up most of the poo flavor, but you could still taste a bit in there. I said "That's for being so impatient, mabye you can learn to be a little bit more patient now." Sadly, she walked into the living room, layed on the coutch, and eventually dozed off to sleep. Hopefully a six pack of pepsi will cheer her up when she wakes up.

I say I handled the situation pretty well. Of course, considering this whole story is completely fake. Made up.

Yeah, I wrote this story on the bbs. It actually got a lot of positive feedback, and a lot of people seemed like they actually got tricked by it, until they read the end where I said it was fake. Unfourtunatly, the ga-I mean sexually confused and illiterate, story hating malachy or whatever the hell his or hers name is banned me for 3 days because I forgot to put it on my user page were people will probably not read it anyway. Under the ban message, a caption read "I don't want you clogging up the forums with your fake stories(that belong on your userpage anyway) on my BBS>:( <3 malachy.

Okay, mabye I fucked up, and forgot to put it on my userpage, but for one, 3 days for posting a good story on the BBS, forgetting to put it on my userpage really deserves 3 days? And to make it worse, Mr.Malachymcfuckstick deleted the topic altogether. Didn't lock it, deleted it, so I had to rewrite the entire thing. Hey, at least the second time I wrote it, I could improve it. 3 day ban doesn't matter anyway, i'm flying to Poland tomorrow with my mom. By the time I get anywhere near a computer the ban will be lifted. I'll probably end up going to a library or something.Only problem is everything will be in polish. Shit.

Well, time for some supar awesome last minute packing because i'm a horrible procrastinator. FUCK.

BBS is like venturing into a wild jungle. If you go alone you are probably gunna die. But if you join other people you shall live. Like, making a thread. Chances are you are going to get banned or flamed. But when posting in another topic...you are safe. Bansticks.Are.Big.